Relationships

I am drowning in a sea of relationships. All around me my colleagues, friends, family and even perfect strangers seem to be battling their own demons. I would really love to see a happy couple. A couple that realizes they have problems, but are still dedicated to only each other and happy that is the case.

Nine of my friends will end this year as newlyweds; that may not seem like much to but when they are all in their early 20's it is a bit much to handle. I feel like such a terrible friend too because I am not happy for them, I can't be and not because I have to buy nine wedding presents and outfits but because I have this feeling that there is no possible way it could last. How sad is that? Are those just the thoughts of a jaded individual or am I not alone in thinking that everyone is making a big mistake by falling into a marriage? What makes it even better is that I then feel hypocritical, because if C had proposed to me while we were still together, I would have probably accepted it, putting me into the same boat as all of them! So what is going on here? Are people just jumping into the first serious relationship that they have? Is it more? I am so uncertain and really curious at the same time too.

I happened to be talking to my little sister the other day who has just graduated from high school and is getting ready to go away to college. She still seems so young to me; she is the baby and she still has so much more to experience and so much more growing up to do. And as I was talking to her and thinking these thoughts, I realized that when I was her age, I was already dating C. I was so ridiculously young when I started dating him and I cannot even ponder the idea that my little sister could be as "mature" as I was to have such a long-lasting and serious relationship. What was I thinking starting a relationship so young? And committing to someone at such a young age? I am not sure I am even mature enough now to handle a life-long relationship. Then again, I look at other who started relationships much later in the game and they are just as/if not worse off then I was with C.

I wonder why relationships are so hard. Wanting to be with someone else is such an essential part of our nature. You would figure that for something we need to survive, it would be easier for us to manage. Of course, we used to only live till the age of 30 so I assume most people could stand someone for a decade or two. Even then, we love our friends and our family, we love our pets and our hobbies even our things and when we are tired of them or bored of them we aren't angry at them and we aren't mad and never want to see them again. So what is it about exes that can evoke such reactions? For every relationship I see come together, I see another split apart. It is so sad and really makes me lose all hope that I am going to find someone out there for me. Of course, it might also be due in part to my pessimistic thinking and my inability to completely get over my ex, but who knows?