Missing

As much as I have promised that I have given up on emotionally unavailable men and as often as I have lately mused over the prospect of re-entering the dating world, I still miss him. Having these feelings makes me feel like not only a sad person, but it also gives me the feeling of being "less than." I am not quite sure how to describe it, but I feel as if after almost 6 months I should not miss him anymore and the sheer fact that I do makes me unworthy in the eyes of others and I feel pretty pathetic as well.

I probably should have stopped talking to him from the moment our relationship was over, but he was my closest friend, and more importantly, I know that I am one of the, if not the most important person in his life. Even, still to this day, I know that he values my place in his life among all others. He calls me anywhere from one to four or five times a day with absolutely nothing important to say; he just wants to talk to me. Our conversation is never romantic, or fond, come to think of it, it is often not even very clever, but I talk to him none the less. This is probably the main reason why I am still missing him now. And while I am missing him I am still finding myself a little startled, because I am realizing that I am longing more for his friendship than I ever did before.

I am not missing someone in the way that they miss a boyfriend, and as I have mentioned before, I believe that I am on the path to falling "out of love" with him. The hardest thing is that a part of me will always love C and will always miss him. I will love him for the times he gave me, the love we shared and for helping me to become the person that I am today. I will be forever indebted to him for that and much more, but I am beginning to wonder if I really should and need to fully let go of him in order to move forward with the rest of my life.

I wish I had someone who knew both of us better than they knew themselves; someone who would be able to give me the right advice and just tell me what to do. I bet everyone wishes they had someone like that. Fortunately I do, but God never seems to be in a really talkative mood. I just can't wait be over this.