Revelation

Like a light shining from the heavens I was blessed with personal insight and understanding. Suddenly so many things became clear to me and my fog of misunderstanding had been cleared. When I went to share my revelation with my companions they simply looked at me and said, "DUH!" Feeling utterly disappointed in myself and silly, I closed my mouth and saved it for my saving grace, my scratching post, my friend that lets me vent to it, my blog.

What is this incredible insight, one might ask? Simple, I cannot fathom the thought of having a partner around me all the time. I cannot imagine not being able to use my bathroom when I want, not having my dinner when I want, not getting to watch all of favorite shows when I am ready and having to share my covers at night. At this point, you might ask, "how is that possible when she has had several serious relationships?" Once again, very simple, and the focus of my enlightenment: All of my adult relationships have been long distance. I have never had to deal with someone being around all of the time because I have never given myself the option of having someone around all the time.

Do I do this to myself? Do I purposely look for men who are distant from me. Lets retrace the steps. E: I was too young, it turned into long distance, but it still doesn't count. M: Long distance, didn't work out for too long. H: Long distance but is that man (every woman has her one man that is all wrong for her, but she still pines over because the chemistry was amazing). C: Of course, long distance. J: Long distance (but in all fairness, when I met him, I thought he was a local). Don't we see a trend!? Do I do this on purpose? I am not sure.

Maybe I am just unlucky and have happened to find men who are not geographically compatible with me, but then again maybe I seek them out. Perhaps I am getting too psychological here, though I did just finish my Psychiatry class, but maybe there is something wrong with me where I seek out unavailable men. I am going to give this more thought in the coming days as it is really bothering me.