Update

Well, I feel that this is entitled. So much has happened since I last posted on this blog that there is almost too much to tell! So, let start with C.

After several strained and teary conversations I finally had the courage to tell C. in no unclear terms that I was no longer in love with him. I still love him very much, but I love him because of all the history that we had together. I would not be who I am today without his help and influence in my life. He decided at that time that we should not talk anymore and we haven't. I miss my friend, but I do not blame him for wanting to move on with his life. His mother has called me several times since then. So, I know that he is doing well. He is still living in Atlanta and moving up the corporate ladder. I wish he knew how proud I am and I hope one day, I have the opportunity to tell him.

The last time I wrote J. and I were still together. We took an amazing road trip across the country together and realized how in love we were. When we finally made it to his final destination we decided that we could never forgive ourselves if we didn't try to make it work. So, we started making plans for me to move out there after I finished up this year of schooling. We saw each other several times a month, made plans, bought an apartment together and went through some very rough times. And right when the last "t" was to be crossed and the last "i" dotted he decided that I shouldn't move out there to be with him. I can understand his thinking, though I feel it was flawed. He had a lot of pressure on him. He would always tell me that he didn't understand why a girl like me would want to be with someone like him. He didn't want to feel responsible for my sadness if things didn't work out. Well, this is at least what he told me. I honestly think that he was the one that didn't want to be sad. I think that he will give up on the best opportunities in his life out of fear that he will be disappointed down the road. He has been let down before and I am scared that he is not strong enough to handle anymore rejection in his life. He let me go because he was afraid. And you know what? I am not bitter or sad about it. I am sad for him. Next week will have been the week I was to move out to be with him and so much has changed since those plans were made. In a way, I am proud of myself for actually taking a chance on happiness; it wasn't something that I did with C and I am happy that I did not walk out of that relationship completely jaded.

I am in a much better place in my life than I was a year ago. I am currently single, yet dating and I am very happy with my situation. I am sure that I will have many more breakups, but I grow from each one. I am so thankful to every man that has allowed me to be a part of their lives. I would not be who I am today without them and they are all wonderful in their own way.