My Response

The past week has been one of the most emotionally exhausting of my entire life. I feel weak, tired and completely numb. This wasn't the way I pictured myself feeling after being proposed to. I always thought that I would be blissfully in love and on cloud nine for months after I discovered that someone on this planet wanted to spend the rest of their time on Earth sharing it with me. I am instead feeling hollow and frustrated.

For 5 years, I would have loved nothing more than for C to propose to me. I was waiting for it and I was hoping for it. I was sitting back and waiting for the man that I loved to realize that he loved me in return just as much. But he didn't. He broke up with me in a very cruel way and now I discover that he apparently loved me the entire time, though he did not show it and he expected that I be in love with him in return. When I finally told him several weeks ago that I was distancing myself from him so I could move on, he realized that he was losing me, forever. It was this movement that all of a sudden spurred him into action and drove him to finally express himself to me that way I had hoped he would years before. He finally told me that he loved me, that he had been in love with me this whole time, that breaking up with me was a huge mistake and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

My response: I don't love you anymore. It is the truth and it is the sad truth. His actions were too little and too late. I am not in love with him anymore. He hurt me too much for me to consider a lifetime with him. What is worse is that he wouldn't accept this as an answer so he says he is going to fight for me. He even booked a flight to Pittsburgh to come and see me. What I find most frustrating is that from time to time, this prospect sounds good and I have to remind myself to step back.